1 - Most Important Lesson
During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I
was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times.
She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I
handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count
toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you
will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and
care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'."
"I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2 - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on the
side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi cab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The
rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came
along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside
just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly
serving others."
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered
a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in
it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more
people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied."
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.
The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly
beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies - You see, he couldn't
have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson - The Obstacle in Our Path
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.
The peasant learned what many of us never understand. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her. You see, after all, understanding and attitude, are everything. -- Author Unknown
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Did You Know (Part Two)
In a statue of a person on a horse, if the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2nd, but the last signature wasn't added until five years later.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. [Editor's note: someone pointed out that "I do" is just as short a sentence, but it's also the longest sentence!
The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "The whole nine yards."
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle: G.P.
The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel fuel that it burns.
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League Baseball All-Star Game.
The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the rosey"). These sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, to ashes, we all fall down").
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2nd, but the last signature wasn't added until five years later.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. [Editor's note: someone pointed out that "I do" is just as short a sentence, but it's also the longest sentence!
The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "The whole nine yards."
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle: G.P.
The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel fuel that it burns.
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League Baseball All-Star Game.
The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the rosey"). These sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, to ashes, we all fall down").
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Did you know...
More collect calls are made on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
If you were to spell out numbers, you would have to count all the way to 1,000 before you found one that contained the letter A.
The most popular name requested for boats is Obsession.
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers were all invented by women.
40% of all people at a party will snoop in the host's medicine cabinet.
Honey is the only food that does not spoil [Editor's Note...that's pasteurized honey, the kind you buy in the store, as opposed to honey fresh from the beehive].
Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots, ironically.
More people are conceived in December than any other month.
"60 Minutes" is the only show on primetime television without a theme song.
Fred & Wilma Flintstone were the first couple to be shown in bed together on primetime TV.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear & smell better.
Alaska is the state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work.
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%.
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%.
The cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of eleven: $6,400.
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments in the US.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: King David (spades), Alexander the Great (clubs), Charlemagne (hearts), Julius Caesar (diamonds).
If you were to spell out numbers, you would have to count all the way to 1,000 before you found one that contained the letter A.
The most popular name requested for boats is Obsession.
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers were all invented by women.
40% of all people at a party will snoop in the host's medicine cabinet.
Honey is the only food that does not spoil [Editor's Note...that's pasteurized honey, the kind you buy in the store, as opposed to honey fresh from the beehive].
Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots, ironically.
More people are conceived in December than any other month.
"60 Minutes" is the only show on primetime television without a theme song.
Fred & Wilma Flintstone were the first couple to be shown in bed together on primetime TV.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear & smell better.
Alaska is the state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work.
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%.
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%.
The cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of eleven: $6,400.
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments in the US.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: King David (spades), Alexander the Great (clubs), Charlemagne (hearts), Julius Caesar (diamonds).
Monday, February 19, 2007
Wisdom from Will Rogers
Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
- Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
- Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
- There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
- There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
- Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
- If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
- Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
- After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
- Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
- The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
- You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
- I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
- One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
- One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
- Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
- Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf
- If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Children's Science Exam Answers
These are real answers given by children.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead
sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the
moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where
the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids ?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abdominalcavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead
sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the
moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where
the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids ?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abdominalcavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
What 30 Years Can Do
1976: Long hair
2006: Longing for hair
1976: KEG
2006: EKG
1976: Acid rock
2006: Acid reflux
1976: Moving to California because it's cool
2006: Moving to California because it's warm
1976: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2006: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1976: Seeds and stems
2006: Roughage
1976: Hoping for a BMW
2006: Hoping for a BM
1976: Going to a new, hip joint
2006: Receiving a new hip joint
1976: Rolling Stones
2006: Kidney Stones
1976: Being called into the principal's office
2006: Calling the principal's office
1976: Screw the system
2006: Upgrade the system
1976: Disco
2006: Costco
1976: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2006: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1976: Passing the drivers' test
2006: Passing the vision test
1976: Whatever
2006: Depends
2006: Longing for hair
1976: KEG
2006: EKG
1976: Acid rock
2006: Acid reflux
1976: Moving to California because it's cool
2006: Moving to California because it's warm
1976: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2006: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1976: Seeds and stems
2006: Roughage
1976: Hoping for a BMW
2006: Hoping for a BM
1976: Going to a new, hip joint
2006: Receiving a new hip joint
1976: Rolling Stones
2006: Kidney Stones
1976: Being called into the principal's office
2006: Calling the principal's office
1976: Screw the system
2006: Upgrade the system
1976: Disco
2006: Costco
1976: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2006: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1976: Passing the drivers' test
2006: Passing the vision test
1976: Whatever
2006: Depends
Friday, February 02, 2007
The Ant and the Grasshopper
CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it as "Temperatures of the 80's".
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3:00 PM when there are no talk shows scheduled.' The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood
MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it as "Temperatures of the 80's".
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3:00 PM when there are no talk shows scheduled.' The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood
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