Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history, job history, ancestral lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP____________

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ______________

If NO, please explain _________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ________________________________

If less than your age, explain ________________________________________

Do you own a van? _____________ A truck with oversized tires?___________ A waterbed?

_____________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?__________ Do you have an earring,

nose ring, or a belly button ring?______________ A tattoo?_____________

(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?

________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

________________________________________________

Church you attend ___________________________________
How often you attend _________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your: father? _____________

pastor_______________

mother? _____________ parole officer? _______

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

__________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:______________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_________________________________________________

What do you want to do IF you grow up?

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________


I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

___________________________________________ Signature
(that means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman
wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back).

Have a nice day.