Aging Gracefully

 Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft............... Today, it's called golf.

 Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

 The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

 Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

 How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

 When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

 You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

 One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

 One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

 Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

 Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

 If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

 First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper, then ..... Oh my goodness you forgot to pull your zipper down!

 If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker??

 I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top

 Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.